I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
