It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
