quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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