i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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