3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We smell like vodka and hangover
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