You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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