The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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