Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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