Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
