:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
