one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
