ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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