she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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