Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
God, I missed his penis.
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