I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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