just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
soo... how was my night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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