at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize