Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
