okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
