I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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