its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
