Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
