Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
