Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
