i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
