Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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