My friends, they love my intelligence
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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