Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
