Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
