Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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