I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
