Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
