I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
