Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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