god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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