My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
