I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm getting married
To pizza
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
