When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
