im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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