Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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