I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
