guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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