I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
