Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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