She announced her abortion via fbk
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
