Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
