Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
