Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
