absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
