flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I need a beard to bite.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
