it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
