Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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