Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
