Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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