Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
