1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
