Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
