I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
