the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
