I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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