im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
