he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
