I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize