Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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