I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
