I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
