He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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