Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can you bring me the toilet please
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
