Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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