He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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