i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize