they need to just BURY HIM!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
