We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
