Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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