She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
