maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize