I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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