Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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