highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
