is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
