Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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