Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
