Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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