I am spending my child support on dildos
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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