I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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