I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You need Xanax blowdarts
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
