Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
