So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize