# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
