Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
