Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
no more duck duck goose at the bar
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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