Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
