If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
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