I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize