my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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