I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
