I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
