the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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