He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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