you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
