either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently you make a good broom.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
