Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize