Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
