the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
