I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
high people should be assigned attendants
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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