i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
