I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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