It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize